Kirsten Dunst Not Included.

Did you know that Halloween is second only to Christmas in terms of consumer spending and participant enjoyment? I just made that up, but it sounds true. I think it might actually be true, judging by the amount of time and energy people put into their halloween costumes these days.

That's time and energy that they don't really need to put into them, of course. There are thousands and thousands of man-hours (and chick-hours) that go into making up Halloween costumes, so much time and energy that if it was devoted to something useful, we could have achieved almost anything by now. We could even have landed a man on the moon! Actually landed on one the moon, not just faked it like they did 40 years ago!

The way to save time and effort is to go to "Halloween Adventure," the "Masters of Masquerade." Why spend a week creating your own costume when you can just order the perfect costume online and get it at a great price? They've got more costumes than you can possibly imagine -- movie star, tv shows, kids costumes, couples costumes, and a lot more.

I even found the perfect costume for me: Spider-Man. If I was going to be any one superhero, I'd definitely have to pick Spidey. He's just too cool, the way that William Shatner and me are cool, in that we just go around being ourselves, and ourselves just happen to also be phenomenally awesome people. In Spidey's case, he's not just himself and awesome but he has superstrength and super-webs, and Kirsten Dunst.

The costumes, including Spider-Man, are easy to get online at "Halloween Adventure." Go order one now. Don't copy me.