Lame/cool month rolls on!
A show of hands from everyone who secretly believes that the actors we see are actually a lot more like their characters than they would have us believe, so much like their characters, in fact, that they are indistinguishable from their characters?
Also, a show of hands from people who think I'm being sexist by saying "actor" in that paragraph? Zing-- got you. It's not sexist at all because when I say "actor" I mean "men and women who act." I can't stand those people who change "waiter" and "waitress" to "waitron" as though in between bringing appetizers, the waiter is slinging glowing frisbees at the Master Control Program.
(I recently rented Tron on DVD from my local library. Expect lots of Tron references over the next couple of days, until the high wears off.)
Explaining by people don't need to invent words to describe things in nonsexist ways is just one of the many services I provide you, gratis. So, again: you don't need to have "waitrons." A "waiter" is any person who waits tables. An "actor" is any person who acts. A "Senator" is any person who senates.
Back to the original survey: Let's just admit it. We all think that actors are really just like the characters they play. Except Harrison Ford. He's nothing like his characters. But the rest of them are, in our minds, their characters. Bruce Willis is that Diehard guy. Handsome Rob is Handsome Rob. Sarah Jessica Parker is ... I think she's Carrie. I never really watched that show.
That's why those actors hit it big, after all: they end up playing just the right character, the person that's the most like them, and then they go on playing that character for the rest of their lives. Think I'm wrong? Let's consider an actor you might have heard of: Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks hit it big because he's been playing Tom Hanks his whole career. His whole career boils down to movies that could be titled Tom Hanks Meets A Mermaid. Tom Hanks Gets A Law Degree And A Disease. Tom Hanks Does Things Throughout History. Tom Hanks On An Island.
We love him for it, too: he acts in these movies and is mostly Tom Hanks doing things and we appreciate that because while we like the stories and like the movies, we don't want too much to be different, we want a little familiarity, so we want good ol' Tom Hanks doing this stuff because that way, we get our story and we don't have to move too far outside our comfort zone.
I can prove it, too: think of those Tom Hanks movies that have flopped. Polar Express? The Terminal? They were too non-Tom-Hanksy. We don't want to see weird-dead-eyed animated Tom Hanks, or Tom Hanks with an accent. We want Tom Hanks-the-guy-who-could-be-our-next-door-neighbor.
Only we don't really want Tom Hanks to be our next door neighbor, either. That's why The Burbs flopped. Or maybe it's that we don't want Corey Feldman to be our next door neighbor.
The point is, we want our big actors to keep doing the same things they always do, in new settings, if possible, and we really want all our actors to keep doing the same things they always do, so that it's less confusing for us. The biggest stars know this; they just keep being themselves in movies, to the point where viewers don't even know the names of the characters they play. Can anyone out there say what Tom Cruise's character was named in War of the Worlds?
It was "Ray Ferrier," according to IMDB. As an aside, what is wrong with the people at IMDB? Here's the first five "plot keywords" of War of the Worlds, according to IMDB: "Single Father." "Stylization." "Burning Train." "Stylized." "Hand Grenade."
Is there some reason that "aliens" or "invasion" or "war" was not in the first five plot keywords? This is why I don't talk to people.
So we think that actors are just like their characters, count on them to be that way, in fact, and no actor seems to be more like his character, and no actor needs to be more like his character, then Tom Cavanagh, The Best Actor Who's So Lame He's Cool.
(And if it had been a woman, I would have simply said The Best Actor Who's So Lame She's Cool. So don't get on my case.)
Tom Cavanagh, as you'll recall, entirely failed to burst onto the scene as "Ed." Now, I hold "Ed" near and dear to my heart as perhaps my favorite lawyer/bowling alley owner show in part because my dad always said that I, as a lawyer, remind him of "Ed."
Dad only watched Ed once and has never seen me in court, so I'm not sure where that comparison comes from, but I liked the show and I like Tom Cavanagh, so I will take it as a compliment.
The show "Ed" really had no chance from the start, I guess. It was too determinedly quirky, back before "determinedly quirky" meant you'd get an Oscar for no good reason. It set out, it seemed, to be funny/cute/interesting/crazy. And it succeeded in doing that but apparently it succeeded in doing that two or three years too early. Americans, four or five years ago, were not ready to be quirky. We are now, but it's too late.
So this show about a lawyer who buys a bowling alley to be near his true love and also practices a crazy kind of law where major cases are heard by a municipal judge without a jury, and are brought to trial sometimes the same day they are filed, and also there's a doctor who challenges people to drink bottles of syrup, and there was Kenny, and all, had no shot at succeeding.
But it almost succeeded anyway, and it almost succeeded because of Tom Cavanagh. It almost succeeded because if there was one guy who you might believe actually could put on a suit of armor to go to a high school, and could go through life having eaten just one of a kind of chip because he saw a commercial that said he couldn't, it was Tom Cavanagh.
Tom Cavanagh looks kind of dorky, doesn't he? Kind of lame. His eyes are a little googly, and he's got that kind of hair that really doesn't have a "style." It's just... there. It's not long, not short, not curly, not parted. His mouth is a little crooked, or maybe it's that in all his pictures he looks like he's a little crooked. Or the camera moved. I don't know what it is.
He also seems like he's trying a little too hard -- and that's mostly based on his "Ed" character, who also tried too hard. He's just the slightest bit pushy about wanting us to like him, like that guy at work who asks what you're going for the weekend and when you say "Getting together with friends to watch the NCAA Tournament," he says "Oh, yeah? Where you going to be?" and you have to say you haven't decided yet or something because you're not sure if he's making conversation or planning on showing up there.
(Note: I do not ever get together with friends to watch anything. I've just heard what that's like. I have twin Babies! so when I have free time it's spent either picking up legos or sleeping.)
Only in Tom Cavanagh's case, you actually think maybe it'd be okay if he showed up there, because while he's trying very hard, he's also kind of likeable, too.
Then he grows on you, and you start sort of laughing with him, and thinking this guy's not so bad, and then you're just friends with him and you want to go play one-on-one basketball with him.
That's how Tom Cavanagh works, and it's why "Ed" almost succeeded -- behind the goofy-maybe-crooked look is a guy that you want to like as much as he wants you to like him. Tom Cavanagh brought that to "Ed," and he brought it to his only two other roles that I ever saw him in, the "brother" on "Scrubs" and "the guy who's not Ed" on "Love Monkey."
In each of those roles, Tom Cavanagh was Ed doing something different. Instead of lawyering/bowling, he was bugging J.D. Or trying to sign indie bands. In fact, if you peruse Tom Cavanagh's acting resume over at IMDB, you'll probably find that most of his roles were, essentially, Ed Does Things. But you'll have to do that, because I haven't seen all those shows.
But it doesn't matter whether or not Tom Cavanagh keeps playing Tom Cavanagh (he does) because Tom Cavanagh grows on you. You get used to the hair and the crooked smile and the trying too hard, and then you just like him and decide that maybe you'll help out his career and go bowling at his alley a little or get sued in a crazy way, or go to medical school so that he could come visit you when you have a crisis and sleep with Elliott, or even help him program his interactive computer so that he can get Elliott to fall in love with him,
and you won't even mind that because he's probably a pretty fun guy to hang around with, and because it gives you a chance to break up all the guy pictures by posting a picture of Elliott:
A show of hands from everyone who secretly believes that the actors we see are actually a lot more like their characters than they would have us believe, so much like their characters, in fact, that they are indistinguishable from their characters?
Also, a show of hands from people who think I'm being sexist by saying "actor" in that paragraph? Zing-- got you. It's not sexist at all because when I say "actor" I mean "men and women who act." I can't stand those people who change "waiter" and "waitress" to "waitron" as though in between bringing appetizers, the waiter is slinging glowing frisbees at the Master Control Program.
(I recently rented Tron on DVD from my local library. Expect lots of Tron references over the next couple of days, until the high wears off.)
Explaining by people don't need to invent words to describe things in nonsexist ways is just one of the many services I provide you, gratis. So, again: you don't need to have "waitrons." A "waiter" is any person who waits tables. An "actor" is any person who acts. A "Senator" is any person who senates.
Back to the original survey: Let's just admit it. We all think that actors are really just like the characters they play. Except Harrison Ford. He's nothing like his characters. But the rest of them are, in our minds, their characters. Bruce Willis is that Diehard guy. Handsome Rob is Handsome Rob. Sarah Jessica Parker is ... I think she's Carrie. I never really watched that show.
That's why those actors hit it big, after all: they end up playing just the right character, the person that's the most like them, and then they go on playing that character for the rest of their lives. Think I'm wrong? Let's consider an actor you might have heard of: Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks hit it big because he's been playing Tom Hanks his whole career. His whole career boils down to movies that could be titled Tom Hanks Meets A Mermaid. Tom Hanks Gets A Law Degree And A Disease. Tom Hanks Does Things Throughout History. Tom Hanks On An Island.
We love him for it, too: he acts in these movies and is mostly Tom Hanks doing things and we appreciate that because while we like the stories and like the movies, we don't want too much to be different, we want a little familiarity, so we want good ol' Tom Hanks doing this stuff because that way, we get our story and we don't have to move too far outside our comfort zone.
I can prove it, too: think of those Tom Hanks movies that have flopped. Polar Express? The Terminal? They were too non-Tom-Hanksy. We don't want to see weird-dead-eyed animated Tom Hanks, or Tom Hanks with an accent. We want Tom Hanks-the-guy-who-could-be-our-next-door-neighbor.
Only we don't really want Tom Hanks to be our next door neighbor, either. That's why The Burbs flopped. Or maybe it's that we don't want Corey Feldman to be our next door neighbor.
The point is, we want our big actors to keep doing the same things they always do, in new settings, if possible, and we really want all our actors to keep doing the same things they always do, so that it's less confusing for us. The biggest stars know this; they just keep being themselves in movies, to the point where viewers don't even know the names of the characters they play. Can anyone out there say what Tom Cruise's character was named in War of the Worlds?
It was "Ray Ferrier," according to IMDB. As an aside, what is wrong with the people at IMDB? Here's the first five "plot keywords" of War of the Worlds, according to IMDB: "Single Father." "Stylization." "Burning Train." "Stylized." "Hand Grenade."
Is there some reason that "aliens" or "invasion" or "war" was not in the first five plot keywords? This is why I don't talk to people.
So we think that actors are just like their characters, count on them to be that way, in fact, and no actor seems to be more like his character, and no actor needs to be more like his character, then Tom Cavanagh, The Best Actor Who's So Lame He's Cool.
(And if it had been a woman, I would have simply said The Best Actor Who's So Lame She's Cool. So don't get on my case.)
Tom Cavanagh, as you'll recall, entirely failed to burst onto the scene as "Ed." Now, I hold "Ed" near and dear to my heart as perhaps my favorite lawyer/bowling alley owner show in part because my dad always said that I, as a lawyer, remind him of "Ed."
Dad only watched Ed once and has never seen me in court, so I'm not sure where that comparison comes from, but I liked the show and I like Tom Cavanagh, so I will take it as a compliment.
The show "Ed" really had no chance from the start, I guess. It was too determinedly quirky, back before "determinedly quirky" meant you'd get an Oscar for no good reason. It set out, it seemed, to be funny/cute/interesting/crazy. And it succeeded in doing that but apparently it succeeded in doing that two or three years too early. Americans, four or five years ago, were not ready to be quirky. We are now, but it's too late.
So this show about a lawyer who buys a bowling alley to be near his true love and also practices a crazy kind of law where major cases are heard by a municipal judge without a jury, and are brought to trial sometimes the same day they are filed, and also there's a doctor who challenges people to drink bottles of syrup, and there was Kenny, and all, had no shot at succeeding.
But it almost succeeded anyway, and it almost succeeded because of Tom Cavanagh. It almost succeeded because if there was one guy who you might believe actually could put on a suit of armor to go to a high school, and could go through life having eaten just one of a kind of chip because he saw a commercial that said he couldn't, it was Tom Cavanagh.
Tom Cavanagh looks kind of dorky, doesn't he? Kind of lame. His eyes are a little googly, and he's got that kind of hair that really doesn't have a "style." It's just... there. It's not long, not short, not curly, not parted. His mouth is a little crooked, or maybe it's that in all his pictures he looks like he's a little crooked. Or the camera moved. I don't know what it is.
He also seems like he's trying a little too hard -- and that's mostly based on his "Ed" character, who also tried too hard. He's just the slightest bit pushy about wanting us to like him, like that guy at work who asks what you're going for the weekend and when you say "Getting together with friends to watch the NCAA Tournament," he says "Oh, yeah? Where you going to be?" and you have to say you haven't decided yet or something because you're not sure if he's making conversation or planning on showing up there.
(Note: I do not ever get together with friends to watch anything. I've just heard what that's like. I have twin Babies! so when I have free time it's spent either picking up legos or sleeping.)
Only in Tom Cavanagh's case, you actually think maybe it'd be okay if he showed up there, because while he's trying very hard, he's also kind of likeable, too.
Then he grows on you, and you start sort of laughing with him, and thinking this guy's not so bad, and then you're just friends with him and you want to go play one-on-one basketball with him.
That's how Tom Cavanagh works, and it's why "Ed" almost succeeded -- behind the goofy-maybe-crooked look is a guy that you want to like as much as he wants you to like him. Tom Cavanagh brought that to "Ed," and he brought it to his only two other roles that I ever saw him in, the "brother" on "Scrubs" and "the guy who's not Ed" on "Love Monkey."
In each of those roles, Tom Cavanagh was Ed doing something different. Instead of lawyering/bowling, he was bugging J.D. Or trying to sign indie bands. In fact, if you peruse Tom Cavanagh's acting resume over at IMDB, you'll probably find that most of his roles were, essentially, Ed Does Things. But you'll have to do that, because I haven't seen all those shows.
But it doesn't matter whether or not Tom Cavanagh keeps playing Tom Cavanagh (he does) because Tom Cavanagh grows on you. You get used to the hair and the crooked smile and the trying too hard, and then you just like him and decide that maybe you'll help out his career and go bowling at his alley a little or get sued in a crazy way, or go to medical school so that he could come visit you when you have a crisis and sleep with Elliott, or even help him program his interactive computer so that he can get Elliott to fall in love with him,
and you won't even mind that because he's probably a pretty fun guy to hang around with, and because it gives you a chance to break up all the guy pictures by posting a picture of Elliott: 
And then you'll hope that Hollywood finds a way to get Tom Cavanagh back onto a TV series or movie again on a regular basis, because we're ready for determinedly quirky, determinedely quirky is cool now, and he's just the guy to bring us a little of that quirkiness. Along with some indie music.
Read up on what's else is so lame it's cool --from books to comics to music to sweets to teen movies to family events to TV shows to comedians. And don't forget Linus.
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