I'm running for Judge

I live in Middleton, Wisconsin, and I'm running for Judge in Dane County, Wisconsin, in the Spring 2011 Elections.

For more information, visit Pagel For Judge:

www.pagelforjudge.com

After considering the instrument, I'm still inclined to underrate it a bit. (The Ten Best Underrated Instruments, 3)

It's a MiniBest!


I was driving into work this morning, and mulling over two important thoughts.

First, I'd had an idea that I needed to write down, so I was waiting to hit a red light so that I could quick jot it down, and I'm not kidding you, I hit not a single red light in the seven mile drive into work. That led to the first thought, which was this: Could I fool the universe into never sending me a red light if every time I got in the car I just had a brilliant idea and decided to write it down as soon as I hit a red light?

The answer is, probably.

Second, the idea that I had and needed to write down was this: How does one become a professional triangle player? And is there such a thing? I've got the impression that there is such a thing, but why would there be? I've seen triangles, and even played one. It just makes one single note. That's it. One note. Hit it, it dings, and you're done.

So how can you be a professional triangle player? Do orchestras have someone like that? Or do they just have someone who's not really doing anything during that part of the song pick up the triangle and hit it. "Hey, Julia, the oboes have nothing to do in the second movement, so when I point at you, give that triangle a whack, would ya?"

It's a proven fact that every oboe player everywhere is named Julia, by the way.

So I googled "professional triangle player" and I found first, very first, a link to this site, which makes the amazingly improbable claim that the average salary for a professional triangle player is $56,000. If that's true (it's not, but bear with me) then I am immediately quitting my job because I've just found the single-least-stressful career ever.

The second result on that list was this site, which says that they need a triangle player for a band. But not just any old triangle player. They need a triangle player with these qualifications:

* Must be proficient in blues triangle and rock triangle styles
* Must be willing to step up and play triangle soloes. . in any key
* Triangle player must provide his/her own amp. (our last triangle player used one of my amps and blew out a cone.)

Okay, that's a joke, right? It has to be. Because that ad also includes this line: "No triangle divas need apply."

You've got to go read the whole site. Sadly, there's no contact information, because I seriously would quit my job and go on tour as a rock triangulist. Triangular? Triangulator?

Wikipedia, which is even less informative and helpful now that nobody is updating it anymore, says that the triangle was invented in the 16th century, but everyone says that about everything. Whatever it is people are talking about, when pressed for when it was invented, we just shrug and say "Around the 16th century." Like that lends it some heft or gravitas, that it was invented by peasants during the dark ages. That site also says that it's featured in Liszt's Piano Concerto No. 1 (which was first written in the 16th century):



And that the triangle also was used in Queen's Killer Queen. Queen, of course, was a prominent 16th century prog-rock group, and if you listen to the song in this 16th-century video, you'll see that Wikipedia was (as usual) wrong; there's no triangle in it:



Even more fascinating, Wikipedia also claims that the largest orchestras feature an instrument called the "Wood Block." Why did my parents bother buying a piano?

But the importance of a triangle player cannot possibly be overstated... or can it? Witness this blog, in which a technology start-up post advises how to pay oneself for starting a business by demonstrating what appears to be an in-depth knowledge about orchestral pay structures:

You could think about it as, "From each according to her ability, to each according to his needs." But that doesn't get the full idea across. Here's a better analogy; In most professional orchestras, the triangle player makes as much money as the first violinist. You might pay more for a special visiting musician, but for the most part pay is even across the board. Because even if the triangle player plays a fraction of the amount of notes that the violinist, the triangle player must be as good as the first violinist, and work just as hard. In fact, the triangle player can afford to make fewer errors than the violinist, because she will be judged on playing less than ten notes, instead of hundreds.

Not only does that quote provide no source or reference whatsoever-- what's the basis for claiming that triangle players make the same as the lead violinist?-- but it also makes a logical misassumption, that being the premise that someone who plays only ten notes in a symphony can afford to make fewer mistakes simply because each mistake will be a larger percentage of the whole. While a triangle player's one mistake might be 10% of his output (I'm pretty sure most professional triangle players are men, and I apparently need not provide a source for that fact), the triangle itself is a hardly-noticed part of the orchestra, and if a triangle player comes in a little flat (how is that possible? It plays ONE NOTE!) I'm pretty sure people would notice that a little less than if a violinist makes whatever mistakes a violinist can make. (Using the wrong kind of dog hair on the bow? I'm not sure.)

But if you ARE looking to make $56,000 in a musical profession that according to a tech website has little to no margin for error, I suggest doing what every person does when making big important life-changing decisions: Learn what you need to know from a Youtube video. That's how I figured out how to light a basketball on fire and then dunk it from a trampoline, after all, and that's how you can learn to play triangle:




Seriously; I feel like I'm in Zoolander. Am I the only one who can tell that he's just playing the same note over and over? It's the exact same effect as if I tell you I'm going to play Stairway to Heaven on my armpit.

Aaron does teach you other things, like how to play long and short notes, and how to get some vibrato out of a triangle, which he says will give you a tremolo sound:




I think Aaron may be laughing all the way to the bank here.

In closing, I'd just like to pass along this video, called "Ein kleines Konzert für Triangel und Orchester" which, if I understand my German means "A concert for triangle and orchestra" or, possibly "Belgium is being invaded on October 3." It's pleasant sounding, anyway:



That band looking for a triangulist is "Y2Steve." Listen to Y2Steve's "Organ Grinder Monkey by clicking here."



Previous Instruments:

1. Tuba

2. Harp.

GK Scott has found a way to make you classy.

It's a familiar trope in old movies: A guy is walking down the street in some big city and someone offers to sell him a Rolex for cheap. We all laugh as the hick buys that "Rolex" and finds it falling apart before he crosses the street.

The desire to OWN a Rolex, though, isn't funny: people want a quality watch, but they can't always get the top-line Rolex watches because of the price. That's why, in the 1950s comedies, we always fall for that guy on the street corner. But more importantly, that's why GK Scott exists.

GK Scott sells Rolexes online -- and lets you get them for a better price than you might if you bought from a brick-and-mortar store. They can do this because they've created a unique business that sells what they call pre-owned, authenticated Rolexes to you.

What GK Scott does, according to a news story I read, is buys pre-owned Rolexes from people. They then make sure that the watch is in good condition and refurbish it if necessary, and then sell it to you, online, for less than you'd spend on a brand-new Rolex.

GK Scott has invented something new in jewelry -- purchasing high-quality, high-value items online. They say they've got a system in place to provide either a certificate of authenticity or proof by serial number that what you're buying is a genuine Rolex, and in some cases can sell "Original Condition" Rolex watches with the original box and certificates.

I think it's a great idea: the people who would buy a Rolex new are the kind of people who are going to take care of it, and Rolex watches are high quality already, so buying a pre-owned one seems less risky. And since GK Scott says they can authenticate them, it's a chance to get an actual Rolex for a lot less.

I challenge you to a harp duel! Tomorrow, noon sharp. Main Street. (The Ten Best Underated Instruments, 2)

About today's instrument, the harp, I began with questions:

1. Why do you tilt a harp to play it?
2. Can you rock out on a harp?
3. Why, if you google why do you tilt a harp to play it do most of the results relate to the harmonica, which need not be tilted to play, at least so far as I know, and I would know because when I was about 16 I bought a harmonica at the Corrao Music Store in Hartland and almost learned to play it.
4. Has someone recorded a version of Bohemian Rhapsody on the Harp?

And now I have some answers:

1. I don't know, because of that failure on Google's part to actually have valid results.
2. Yes:



3. See answer to number 1. Also: I was never very good on the harmonica.

4. Yes, and that is probably the crowning achievement of Western Society:



Also, in a different universe, Dueling Harps would be the coolest thing ever. It already is, in this universe. Check it out:




As an added bonus, here's one of the best, most upbeat, peppy, fun harp songs ever:




It's called Paraguari and it's by Marcelo Rojas and you can download it for free here.

Previous Instruments:

1. Tuba

Rapidshare Search finds the stuff you really want.

There are a billion websites that'll help you search nowadays -- but are they finding the stuff that you REALLY want? I mean, when you go search for stuff like games and songs and movies, you're not looking for websites that name the movies or songs or games, but websites that actually have those movies, songs, or games for you to watch, download, or play.

Right?

Just take my word for it. And then use the Filez.st Rapidshare Search,a search engine that actually locates the things you want to locate. Rapidshare's website will index-- and therefore make findable and searchable-- all kinds of files beyond simple webpages. Filez.st has rapidshare, fileserve and other hosting websites indexed, so that you can look through their database and find what you need, whether that's a movie, an app, a game, or something else. And when you find the thing you're looking for, it's not some review of the product or mention of it in a dumb blog (WHO YOU CALLING DUMB?), but the actual file you want to download.

The Filez.st database will save you the trouble of slogging through all those results you get from other search engines that I won't name (they rhyme with MOOGLE and MING, though) to try to find the movie you're looking for. And less trouble means less time spent looking, and less time spent looking means less likelihood your boss'll wander by and realize that you haven't actually done any productive work since 2004. So go give it a shot, and maybe hold on to your job. (Actual results may vary; users who lose their jobs anyway had it coming.)

I never played the tuba, but I bet I'd have rocked it. (The Ten Best Underrated Instruments, 1)

It's a MiniBest!

When you're a kid, and your parents force you to take music lessons... or, if you were one of those kids who voluntarily chose to learn music... there are certain instruments that just get selected.

Everyone wants to play guitar, for example, because we think it'll make us into rock stars. It won't, or, at least, it won't for those of us who never really cared to practice all that much and got sort of stuck on Michael, Row The Boat Ashore, a song that never really attracted many groupies or record company execs in the first place.

But guitar, piano, and, to a lesser extent, trumpet, tend to be overly represented among the Forced Musical Youth... and what's overlooked are great instruments like the ten I'll present as being entirely underated.

The first one on the list? The tuba. Check out these performances:






The tuba is the fat-kid-who-wears-glasses of the instrument world (and, I think, most people picture that kid playing it, too.) Picked on, made fun of, ignored, and generally derided, but there's more to that kid than meets the eye. That kid is made of tougher stuff and is capable of more than you'd ever expected, and given some time, will knock your socks off and show just how cool he really is.

Wait... I'm still talking about tubas, right? And, yes, I was a fat kid who wore glasses. Why do you ask?

Me and Bono would be GREAT Friends. I KNOW it.

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Hampton Hotels. All opinions are 100% mine.

Go to Miami, in the winter... for free? How could anything be better than that?

How about go to Miami, in the winter, for free, with all my best friends? That does sound better. And I'm pretty much guaranteed to get to do just that, because I just now entered the Hampton Chain of Friends Sweepstakes, a contest giving away an ENTIRE HOTEL FOR ONE WEEKEND. Hampton's going to give some lucky person 100 rooms for two days at one of their hotels -- and you can enter without even being a member of any rewards club, or even paying anything. Just go to their site, fill out the form, and click, and you're in.

And then sit back and wait for Hampton to give you one of their daily weekend getaways for you and three friends, or to win the big one: the hotel for a weekend (plus $5,000 to help pay taxes on the prize.)

I can see it now: I'm going to win, and I'm going to pick a hotel someplace warm and sunny and faraway from Wisconsin's winter, and then I'm going to call EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW and invite them, so that all the people I like best can come with me to, say, Miami or LA or somewhere, and we can spend the weekend seeing the sites, having maids make up our beds, swimming and relaxing and room-service-ordering and hanging out with rock stars...

... because you KNOW that rock stars are going to want to get in on this, so Chris Martin and Bono and Steven Tyler will probably ask to be invited, and I MAY let them come along, if they promise to be cool.

And you can come along, if you're nice to me. Or, if YOU happen to win, you'll invite me, right? 'Cause I'd really like to meet Bono.

The Scariest Things, You Can't Imagine

The Scariest Things,
You CAN'T Imagine,
a collection of macabre horror stories you'll never forget.

A shape-shifting demon torments children while their parents stand by. A widower haunted by the ghost of his wife tries to understand her requests. A baby stolen from his mother by gargoyles returns, full of hatred for the life he's led. A family of children raised by grave-robbing corpse stealers tries to discover a way out. An elderly man possesses the power of life and death in his retirement. These stories present images and people who will haunt your thoughts for a long time after you read them.

See a preview below, and click here to buy it on Lulu.com.

Look for it on your Kindle for $0.99!

Roughly 99% of my time is spent trying to get around Sweetie's restrictions. Time well spent!

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Boost Mobile. All opinions are 100% mine.

I'm still using the same old cell phone plan that I got when I first got a cell, back in 2003. And the amount of thought I put into choosing my provider and plan back then was minimal. Seriously, it went like this:

Sweetie and I were at the mall, and she wanted to go into a clothing store. I did not want to go into a clothing store, so I waited outside. Right next to a cell phone stand, as it turned out. So I got to looking at the phones, then got to talking to the guy, then ended up starting up a plan and getting two phones, one for me and one for Sweetie, so that when she came out of the store, I said:

"Guess what? I got us each a cell phone?"

And she said:

"I'm never leaving you alone at the mall again."

Over the years, though, I've wondered if that's the best way to choose a cell phone provider. And I expecially wonder it now that I spent some time this morning reading up on Boost Mobile and the various phones and plans they offer.

Boost Mobile has all the great phones that everyone wants, even ones offered by companies like Blackberry and the Motorola i1 -- smart phones that do cool stuff like Tweeting and social networking. So if you like Facebook (many people do, I'm told) and like to Tweet (I've heard that's SOMEWHAT popular) then Boost makes it simpler to do those things wherever you are.

But Boost offers one step further than many cell phone plans, in its "Re-Boost" setup.

Re-Boost lets you set up easy payment options -- using a debit card to pay automatically, or paying in person, or even paying by PHONE. (Using your phone to pay for your phone? How Ouroborian.) You can even let other people pay for your phone (so Moms and Dads can send kids off to school but pay for the phone themselves.)

And the best thing about Boost? I can sign up for it without being at the mall -- thereby FOILING Sweetie's plans.

It's not just me that says I'm a good writer!

Just Exactly How Life Looks, a collection of short stories, was recently called "funny to sad to a little strange," and includes the story "God Shrugged," which READING AT THE BEACH called "...an interesting take on the Crucifixion of Jesus, from a more modern day time, it was very good, but sad also."

Check out a preview below. Or read the Reading At The Beach review here.

Click here to buy Just Exactly How Life Looks at Lulu.com

Click here to buy Just Exactly How Life Looks on your Kindle.

Trent Jordan: Vancouver's Ultimate Tour Guide.

Every city is fascinating in its own way. Except Stevens Point, Wisconsin. That's a lost cause. But all OTHER cities have something interesting or unique about them, and you want to discover that when you go there.

Your best bet to find out what's great about a city is to hire a qualified tour guide, though -- and that's where somebody like Trent Jordan Vancouver's best tour guide comes in.

Sure, you already know that Vancouver has a great many things going for it -- but there's no way you know everything about this city, which should be in the top 5 for destinations for travelers. You'd realize how great it is to go there if you knew a lot about it. But you don't. So you should (a) plan to go there and (b) plan to hire Trent Jordan Vancouver guides for you.

Trent Jordan knows about Vancouver and can not only help you discover it when you go there -- he'll tell you in advance how much he knows about Vancouver and give you ideas on why you want to visit, all on his Trent Jordan Vancouver blog, where he'll be writing about the wonders and mysteries and attractions of Vancouver. He's already got his first post up, detailing the "Chinese Garden" in Vancouver, a garden set up to promote Chinese culture and home to year-round attractions.

You didn't know about the Chinese Garden -- I bet most people didn't. But Trent Jordan did. So bookmark his blog and book your trip to Vancouver, where Trent Jordan will show you the time of your life.

Welcome Another TBOE Reader!

Yesterday morning, I posted The Best Way To Get A Paid Vacation, in which I noted that Hollywood's given up making movies, as such, and is simply using our ticket-and-popcorn money to pay for celebrity vacations.

Then, last night, after watching the final episode of Lost season 5, and not being able to get to sleep right away, I watched The Daily Show, where I was treated to comedian, and obvious TBOE reader, Lewis Black, ranting for several minutes in an unfunny way about Eat, Pray, Love.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Back in Black - Eat, Pray, Love
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

I suffered through it because I was trying to get to sleep, which was helped by my lack of laughter -- but then snapped more awake when, at about 4:36, Black said that the book "taught me the secret to true happiness... getting someone else to foot the bill for your tropical vacation!"

Glad you liked the post, Lewis!

Click here to see who else reads The Best Of Everything!